THE TRUE STORY OF THE GERTRUDE
Gertrude: The Shoe with More Personality than Your Ex
Hello, blanchetistas! Are you ready for a heel that packs more punch than your favorite Friday night drink? Introducing Gertrude, the pump that's not afraid to show off an unusual personality like yours.
Yes, that's right. Gertrude was born from an idea so wild it would make your grandmother blush.
Imagine this: here I am, mid fuck, with The Prodigy playing in the background (because why not?), lying on a fake fur coat that screams "eco-chic", and bam! The idea hits me just as I'm about to climax. Why not create a pump that would be as pleasurable as this moment?
Gertrude, it's that pair of shoes that makes you say: "Yes, I can walk on a carpet of banana peel and still look incredible." With an 8.5cm heel, perfect for giving you that goddess look, but not high enough to make you fall face-first into the pot of your Savoyard fondue.
It's a feminine, suave shoe, with a hint of eroticism (yes, eroticism, I said erotic, not pornographic), that makes you feel like a queen of the noche (this text was not written by Afida Turner & Hooch), even if you're just standing in the checkout line at Lidl.
Basically, Gertrude is that crazy friend, always up for a trifle. for trifles, who makes you laugh 'til you cry snot, and who, of course will never judge you for ordering a mussel pizza at 3am.
So, if you're ready to live your life with a little more funk, disco, and Jesse Garon-style rock and roll, Gertrude's got you covered. Put on those heels and conquer the world, like you're Jay Z's girl.
If this carnal story were to be accompanied in the right way, it would have to be this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4eav7dFvc8
